It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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