I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You made out with two different species that night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
