Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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