oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
