Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His nipple licking is glorious
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