Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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