I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
