I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
