I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
