OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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