your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
