yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said