Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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