I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
