Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
