i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
