Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
