Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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