even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
