Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies