he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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