I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.