; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.