Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants