She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
