Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
be right there i have to get my cape
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet