This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
