Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
