I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
