Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
