She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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