I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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