I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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