Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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