I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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