so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
