It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
