she was so not down for the gang bang
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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