Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize