everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
