I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
