P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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