Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
