I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
