oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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