Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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