yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
