I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
