I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
