Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
do herpes really smell.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
