Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
