your parents love me but you hate me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
