i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
