remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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