# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You have to summon your inner elephant
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
