i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
