I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
