are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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