By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
