there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm like, not good at living.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize