Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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