it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
