I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
