Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize