that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dick very happy bro
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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