Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
