i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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