I'm so fucking centered right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
