waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
